My own frustration and anger towards God...

[Nu Kua]

Something. Whatever she does, if she doesn't snap out of that victim mentality she'll always be stuck.

[DontBeAfraid]

I worked out at Bally's for years. Started out at $35, then gradually reduced to $10. But their hours started to suck...closing early around the holidays and shit. I now work out at 24...and pay $31.60 a month. Where do you work out, DBA?

Golds Gym... and their hours have gradually increased to 24/7 in most locations. and its 19.95 per month.

[Assassin X]

Maybe shes just in a rut? No one can be as perfect as the almighty NuKunt.

I don't know why everyone thinks live is just some easy game of picking yourself up and BAM your done. Like its ALWAYS so easy. Is there some "Guide to life" book that says thats how it works? Cause I don't see one. I honestly think most people at AO haven't suffered enough to get other people. The ones that have I know who you are, the ones that haven't are the ones that think life is so easy and peachy keen and anything is possible and yadda yadda.

Yes well good for you. When your 80, decrepid, shitting your pants and have a dozen health problems what will excuse be then? Not everyone is lucky enough to live the perfect life where they can just go through life perfectly and get out of ruts perfectly either. And sometimes it may not even have anything to do with themselves.

But once again if you ACTUALLY went through shit you'd know that. Until then you'll live a shitty life pretending you know about everything and have no compassion for others. While people that have has shitty lives will have a deeper understanding of what its like.

:gets off podium:

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by DontBeAfraid

Golds Gym... and their hours have gradually increased to 24/7 in most locations. and its 19.95 per month.

Hmmm, are there a limited amount of weights and machines with that price?

[DontBeAfraid]

No, I get access to everything. Weights, pool, racket/basket ball courts, cycle/movie room, aerobics area... and I can go to any of the golds gym locations in the world.

[Fyhre]

I just meant, for that price, are there only (i.e.) 5 treadmills as opposed to 15...1 leg press machine as opposed to 5. But that's pretty cool. I don't have access to all the 24s in the world though...that would've cost me more. The closest Gold's that I'm aware of is so far away from home (my 2 biggest workouts being Saturday and Sunday), so I'm not too sure the low membership price would be worth the drive. Thanks for the info, DBA...I may just check it out at some point. :)

[Nu Kua]

I pay $55 a month, but it is the only gym that has a pool in the area.

[Fyhre]

You must work out at Allstar. Their fees are ridiculous...

[DontBeAfraid]

I just meant, for that price, are there only (i.e.) 5 treadmills as opposed to 15...1 leg press machine as opposed to 5.

No, even the small golds in my area has at least 15 of each type of cardio machine. The one I go to has roughly 30 treadmills and 15 ish cycles and ellipticals.... I do my cardio outside though so its of little consequence to me. What does matter is that they have like 5 sets of free weights, several benches and more than enough guided weight machines that I dont have to weight in line to work a muscle group out.

And its always full of hot chica's.

[Fyhre]

Okay, aside from the hot chicas, I'm having myself a little bout of gym-envy over here...

[Freaked out]

I don't subscribe to the idea that "my pain is worse than your pain." I actually am a little surprised at NuKua's remarks. One thing I've learned in this life is that we all have our burdens to carry and I stopped the "I've had it worse than you..." argument a long time ago.

Midnight - depression is a terrible thing, it makes everything seem gray and hopeless. If you are suffering from depression I strongly recommend you seek medical treatment and start a cycle of anti-depressants. If you are on a trial of medication and it isn't working, you should consult with your doctor about adjusting the mediation. If your counseling isn't working then find another counsellor. You just haven't found the right fit yet. I've suffered from depression in the past - I know that it can be debilitating. I can assure you though, that things aren't nearly as bad as you think they are right now. But the posters are right, you have to help yourself first and isn't it said that God helps those who help themselves? In the end, no one can do this for you. It's tough because when you're depressed you don't have the energy or desire to seek help. Depression is an illness, it does have a cure.

Things will look better - I guarantee it.

[JenaS62]

THERE IS NO GOD THAT GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT US OR YOU. You do what you have to do to get by. You have to anticipate that shit happens and try to step around it. Only you have the power to make yourself better. Heal thyself first (or something like that). Obviously I'm not a bible thumper as you can probably tell from my first sentence.

[Freaked out]

Originally Posted by JenaS62

THERE IS NO GOD THAT GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT US OR YOU

Yes, that is your subjective opinion. I wonder why you feel the need to express it like that.

[JenaS62]

Originally Posted by Freaked out

Yes, that is your subjective opinion. I wonder why you feel the need to express it like that.

I don't know FO - maybe cause I'm feeling a little bitter, angry, frustrated and vengeful myself and I hate it when people sit there and wait for some "GOD" to help them. I have to help myself - everyone else has to as well.

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel much better.

[Freaked out]

Originally Posted by JenaS62

I don't know FO - maybe cause I'm feeling a little bitter, angry, frustrated and vengeful myself and I hate it when people sit there and wait for some "GOD" to help them. I have to help myself - everyone else has to as well.

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel much better.

Excellent. I can relate BTW. But who here can claim that they have never benefited from a helping hand once in a while. I know I sure have.

[JenaS62]

by the way FO - is that Scully as your avatar? I now feel like I'm having a converstation with Scully. Kind of freaky. LOL

[Freaked out]

Originally Posted by JenaS62

by the way FO - is that Scully as your avatar? I now feel like I'm having a converstation with Scully. Kind of freaky. LOL

Yeah it is. I used to love that show - back in the day. Unfortunately, the previews for the new x-files movie don't look very promising. And while I'm on the topic of movies (sorry to stray) a word to the wise - DON'T waste your money on "The Happening" - just awful - it's hard to believe this is the same guy that brought us "The Sixth Sense" which was great.

[Tired Old Man]

Originally Posted by Freaked out

Yeah it is. I used to love that show - back in the day. Unfortunately, the previews for the new x-files movie don't look very promising. And while I'm on the topic of movies (sorry to stray) a word to the wise - DON'T waste your money on "The Happening" - just awful - it's hard to believe this is the same guy that brought us "The Sixth Sense" which was great.

Should I post the free movie web site? Glad I didn't pay to see The Happening.

And as for waiting for God to help. ( if there is one) He already has helped. It's called free will. You can sit and cry all you wait to. You know you have to change your life. So do it. Who knows might happen.

[Nu Kua]

Originally Posted by TiredOldMan

It's called free will. You can sit and cry all you wait to. You know you have to change your life. So do it. Who knows might happen.

Yeah...
I can feel where Midnight is coming from, but it is the constant sense in several posts she's made like this that she is waiting for God to come along and fix things is what is so frustrating.

For the non-believer it is frustrating due to the belief in a powerful supernatural deity that cares about us enough to intervene, at any rate; and for the believers side I have to wonder (and part remember) if there is not a frustration at, on one hand seeing God as all loving and graceful, and good back up in general, yet on the other hand, being angry with this same God for seemingly abandoning her at this time in life.
From the side of a simple realistic perspective, though, I just know that nothing is received if something isn't put out there.

Looking back in time, I remember finally coming to the conclusion that there was not the expected "back up" to fall back on. There was a level of depression that descended like a dark fog at the realization that we really ARE all alone "out there", in the sense of being under the care of a Great Protector/Provider who has anything to gain at all by being our ever begotten Father. It's a scary feeling to first realize you really are the product of your expectations and nothing else- certainly nothing of some sort of supreme God's designs for your life.

I suppose that personally, the frustration stems from having to go through several dark periods of life similar to that, and having to fight out of them, with no help from anybody, has made me somewhat intolerant of people when they go through those first helpless phases, maybe because they are so painful to remember. I tend to relate better with people who are in another phase of development. It's just a personal fault I'll have to deal with, and I'm sorry for insulting you during a time of questioning your existence, Midnight.

Try not to worry so much. You'll get it all figured out.

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by DontBeAfraid

Midnight! 30 miles is not going t okill you if you walk it.
You cant get a car right now? Get a bicycle.
Ride the bicycle. Join a gym.
Go to the gym every day and you will beat your depression.
Dont make anything but tentative plans for things that are a year away.

Actually I'm going into the YMCA next week to see if I could get a relatively cheap discount to get in or something while I have limited income. maybe work a couple days a week or something to pay it off... we'll just see how it goes.

And i actually do have support from a family member but right now I'm weary and not sure if they'll actually keep their promises, and I have severe trust issues, even with God. Maybe the gym may help keep things under control for the time being and maybe I can knock off some more weight being physically healthy again (For the record i used to be a size 20 or something and I'm down to a 14. 12 is my goal but i haven't seen it since the 6th grade so to speak). I wonder if there's something with the gym that will help control anxiety as well. I did try seeking therapy for it but they put me on tranquilizers which made it worse. At the moment i'm trying to recover.

I'll hang in there and do the best i can, rebuilding my faith and trust in God. Maybe i'll try churches again, even though I feel as if they've been strangely corrupted lately. There's bound to be one within walking distance somewhere. I guess more or less i just feel blocked and things feel far away. Maybe I'm just blind and things may be closer than i think... it's so weird and frustrating.

Last but not least: Did any of you go through something similar and feel as if you're stuck and had no sense of direction? How did you find it and how did you know it's the path to take? And how long did it take for you to get out? maybe your experiences may help me as well.

[DontBeAfraid]

Running or jogging will help solve almost all internal problems. But you have to do it beyond "the wall" so to speak. When running there is a moment when you switch from "wow, each step is harder than the last" to "hmm... I can see the horizon and I dont want this run to ever end". That moment can occur in every single excursion but its not easy to get to. It is a moment of clarity and its well worth the initial pain.

[Beatnik Bob]

Actually...i do simpathize with you. you're just confused, you were brainwashed into thinking that the thing you worshipped in church as a kid was supposed to be a magic fairy and answer all your prayers. nobody deserves to be lied to, and you have been lied to. Now your're lost and confused and want the leprechaun/fairy/santa image of G-d that was propaganized into you to help you out.
Sadly, that image is nonexistant, and really an image wholly western. It came into existence so that Christianity could better fit a modern materialistic 'i want i need' society.
The fact is. If you are someone that thinks G-d is your creator, then, speaking at a stand point you might understand, G-d gave you two arms and two legs so that you could do things yourself, and then he stopped and stood back and let you be G-d for yourself. So stop waiting for something thats in you to do things for you.
(i dont want to be harsh, but i wouldnt recommend becoming a psychologist just to psychoanalyze yourself...confused people shouldnt help the confused).

As for me, i personally dont believe in the concept of G-d the judeo-christian G-d, but whatever works for you....

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by Nu Kua

Yeah...
I can feel where Midnight is coming from, but it is the constant sense in several posts she's made like this that she is waiting for God to come along and fix things is what is so frustrating.

For the non-believer it is frustrating due to the belief in a powerful supernatural deity that cares about us enough to intervene, at any rate; and for the believers side I have to wonder (and part remember) if there is not a frustration at, on one hand seeing God as all loving and graceful, and good back up in general, yet on the other hand, being angry with this same God for seemingly abandoning her at this time in life.
From the side of a simple realistic perspective, though, I just know that nothing is received if something isn't put out there.

Looking back in time, I remember finally coming to the conclusion that there was not the expected "back up" to fall back on. There was a level of depression that descended like a dark fog at the realization that we really ARE all alone "out there", in the sense of being under the care of a Great Protector/Provider who has anything to gain at all by being our ever begotten Father. It's a scary feeling to first realize you really are the product of your expectations and nothing else- certainly nothing of some sort of supreme God's designs for your life.

I suppose that personally, the frustration stems from having to go through several dark periods of life similar to that, and having to fight out of them, with no help from anybody, has made me somewhat intolerant of people when they go through those first helpless phases, maybe because they are so painful to remember. I tend to relate better with people who are in another phase of development. It's just a personal fault I'll have to deal with, and I'm sorry for insulting you during a time of questioning your existence, Midnight.

Try not to worry so much. You'll get it all figured out.

It's okay, Nu Kua. Obviously we got off on the wrong foot and you're forgiven. I'm also sorry that I might have triggered some bad memories of your own past and I can see why you get insensitive and perhaps even defensive towards those who are dealing with almost the exact same thing. I just wish that I could have seen this sooner. It looks like we might actually have something in common and may learn from one another eventually.

I do know one thing. Even though my perspective is screwed up at the moment and I am indeed going through this helpless phase, I do know that storms don't last forever. I know this because I actually have help coming from a family member, even though I have issues with trust and it's just going to take time to rebuild it again. And once moving falls into place i just know everything else will follow, including college and a degree in psychology.

What I really hope to achieve is that I can still turn this negativity and that rather long list of things that happened into something positive and I can use it to help others someday. Like me, people may be simply looking for a way out and i may provide answers, chucking out the prozac and maybe create a petition to ban the drug zoloft. I have questioned many patients who used to be on that medication and studies show that it's done more damage than good, including myself. Already I have helped others on instant messenger or other websites and it gave me a strong clue. I even want to adopt an abandoned child one day like I have done with an abused cat that I adopted from the shelter 3 years ago. My mother may be a complete epic fail but that doesn't mean i have to follow her path. It just means that i may surpass her one day finally achieving the impossible.

The only question is when... when will it happen and when will it fall into place? That's why I'm so frustrated for the time being. It's kinda like the end of the world so to speak. The signs are all there and things are happening now, but we never know the day or hour it will take place. I just pray that it happens soon.

As for you, I really hope you find peace one day and these memories will eventually fade away or become a positive thing. Perhaps if you wish to vent frustrations or something you could just leave notes or IM me. I'm around for anyone, young and old.

[Mystery]

Wow, what an intense thread. I have been there myself and can tell you this, you have to do the foot work. And maybe the foot work "you think" you are supposed to be doing was not God's plan for you after all. If obstacle after obstacle continues to get in your way, maybe you way is the wrong way. We do not get burning bushes here. God does not save the day, but he will give you what you need to endure what life brings your way. Stop looking so hard. Relax, enjoy what you do have. If you learn to calm the mind, you will hear God more. There is a wonderful book I read called Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. I will put a link to it at the end of this. Read it, it WILL help answer some of the questions tumbling around in your head.
http://books.google.com/books?id=gQi...L46AjwGNsem5CA

[Nu Kua]

Originally Posted by Midnight

As for you, I really hope you find peace one day and these memories will eventually fade away or become a positive thing.

Well, that is the thing- those dark days are the past for me, and now, I am mostly a happy person. That will most likely be the same story for you.
I agree that a key to finding yourself maybe to break way from your family somewhat.
You're right, you don't have to follow their path. Your task is to cut your own path.
Good luck!
xoxoxox