My own frustration and anger towards God...

[midnight21]

Right now I am frustrated and angry towards god. I know that there's people worse off than me and the world is completely messed up, but this is my life I'm talking about and I'm wondering why it takes so long for God to answer my prayers so I can finally move on.

For 7 long years I've been completely directionless ever since high school and I finally figured out what to do with my life and that is to become a psychologist so I can help those who are worse off than me and help them get back on their feet again without the use of drugs that screw up people's minds. but in order to do that, I must move first and right now I feel stuck after being forced to live here when I got kicked out at 22 by my dad.

With no support from anyone, I remain here, unable to move out and move on and I've been haunted by constant bad memories that happened throughout the four years, especially a bad relationship that took place right in this very building. I've filled out applications for new places in another city, but nothing has opened up yet and it could take years.

Not to mention, I also want to fall in love, get married, adopt an abandoned child, and give birth to one. But no luck in dating either. All I get are creeps and stalkers and I wonder why God won't cut through the chase and send me the right person.

My frustration is that I feel like a desperate caged animal just dying to get out of here so I can finally spread my wings and grow as a person. Unfortunately i just feel like I'm unable to move and meet god halfway receiving the full blessing. When will it happen?

My biggest fear in all this... is that i won't be able to enjoy life until I'm 80. I may enjoy it for like a year and I'll be dying anyway. What's the point in all that? God has this lovely little habit of waiting far too long until it's too late...

I don't understand this. Everyone seems to move ahead but me, graduating college, falling in love, getting married, having children- a normal life and I've done all i can for god. I've donated. I've repented. I've fasted. I've believed and trusted in God, putting him above all things. I tried to be good while I"m nowhere near perfect. I tried going to church but I never liked any of them nearby walking distance which is another reason why i need to move.

It sounds like I'm whining but I'm at breaking point right now. I'm really not sure how much longer i can last remaining frozen in time like this. I just want to get ahead with my life!

I guess I'll keep on waiting....

[Nu Kua]

Oh Jesus Freakin Christ what a whiner you are. God probably has your number blocked and has threatened Mrs. God with a Dutch Oven if she answers the door when you come knocking!
I'm sorry, but this goes back to what I said when you first joined and came on here frustrated and complaining because God hadn't solved any of your life's problems:
God won't do it. You have to do it. Period.

I imagine God, if there is one, can't stand constant complainers. If there is a God, do you think he gave you a working mind and an able body just so you could sit around and cry about your life to him all the time?
If so, I am betting he wishes he'd of created a more interesting conversationalist.
So grow up and stop expecting God to fix everything. How long will it take for you to see that isn't working?

Maybe God is TRYING to "show you love" by making you grow the heck up and start taking charge of your own feelings.
And you want to fret over YOUR hard life? You know nothing about having it rough.
There are people actually STARVING to death.
There are people being horribly ABUSED every single day of their lives- even babies.
There are people living out in the elements, in all sorts of weather, who HAVE NO HOME.
If there is indeed a God, (and evidence is showing that if there is he must not give a damn about anything but the Sunday collection plates) then don't you think this God has his hands full by helping people with REAL problems?

For the love of Mary, get real.

[midnight21]

Oh gee. Aren't we little miss perfect? Before you judge me, look at yourself.

I know damn well what rough is. You never had a mother that abused you while you were young then left you at 14 getting knocked up by a guy that's much older than her. You never know what it's like to see your best friend get murdered by a serial killer when you're in the fourth grade. You never know what it's like to almost lose your stepsister to suicide and have your dad being gay. You never know what it's like to live in poverty at only a little over 6,000.00 a year and try to manage it, especially without having a car. You probably never know what it's like to be raped and taken advantage of by someone who you think that loved you. You never known what it's like to have families split apart betraying one another and have everyone trash talking others. You never know what it's like to have learning disabilities and a lisp, picking on you for it on an every day basis. You never know what it's like going through what could have been cervical cancer, severe depression and anxiety and not able to afford health care. You never know what it's like living with a controlling father that doesn't let you live the life you want either. Again, I know that others have it worse than me, but this is my life i'm talking about and I just simply want to get ahead like any other normal person. Is that just so much to ask? I didn't even ask to be a millionaire or someone famous.

I'm doing everything I can in my power to remain sane and trust god, even though the odds of things improving are like zero to one. Why don't you grow up and stop judging others for a change? Have you noticed that everyone here is getting mad at you for that reason?

[lycanox]

Truth is, Your demanding favors of someone that doesn't exist. Or is an pretty shady sadistic guy if he does exist.

Its sounds like you have grown dangerous obsessive over an idea because of a bad experience you aren't properly over yet. Try mind searching about what you really want in life aside love.
And leave love for what it should be. Something that is most beautiful when it happens unforced by coincidence.

Everybody feels lonely from time to time. But your still young enough for everything to happen.

[proffett]

Midnight,

You are so defensive. You feel that you have no control over your life. You feel lost and lonely. How do I know? Because I have been there. I still roam that territory now and then. I can only offer my advice and you may choose to take it or not.

You need to realize you and only you are in control of your life. You are a special human with gifts and insight to share with others. You have goals, desires and dreams. Achievement is not beyond your reach. This test, this experience will only enhance who you become later in life. I can assure you of that. It is darkest before the sunrise.. er something like that lol.

When i felt like life stopped being worth living, not just recently but two and a half years ago I changed my outlook, I switched religions and I focused on myself. I am no longer Wiccan or Pagan, but I identify with the idea of spiritualism. The whole world opened up for me. Suddenly I understood that my fate, my own personal destiny depends on me, not some god some where.

I am always here. Life is always going to be a struggle. I hope you are able to get through it. You are a strong person if you allow yourself to be.

[Nu Kua]

Originally Posted by midnight21

Oh gee. aren't we little miss perfect? Before you judge me, take a look at you and live in my shoes. I am well aware that there's others worse off than me. Why do you think I want to donate more, start foundations one day, and become a psychologist in the first place? I want to help them! Apparently you didn't read that part. But this is my life i'm talking about and I'm getting really really frustrated with him and the waiting game.

And for the record, god loves all and shouldn't he help all who believe as well? I have a right to vent and right now I'm at breaking point. I'm only a non perfect human and I can only hold myself together for so long. Nobody asked you to read this thread anyway.

Why yes, I AM Little Miss Perfect. I have had to learn through struggle and using my own goddamned toughness and resources to make it through hells far worse than those you conjure up in your little "woe is me" nightmares. So don't talk to me about walking in somebody's shoes, young lady. You wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the shoes I was wearing in my earlier years before you'd be crying and begging to God, like you're freakin Job, to save you.
Hell, you wouldn't last five minutes in the shoes I am wearing NOW.
And all of that drivel about how you WANT to help this, how you WANT to donate to that- what are you doing, now? Nothing. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, honey, and another bug in your ear (don't worry, its an angelic bug)- there is no need to ever wait to help anybody. Somebody can use your help right now and it won't cost nothing but a bit of effort on your part.
but wait! I guess all your effort is tied up into bitching at God.
It is ALWAYS your life you are talking about, whining about, complaining about- but with a twist. Not merely a person looking for guidance, you are whining because God has forsaken you, God isn't working quick enough for you, God hasn't swooped down on a winged white horse and whisked you away from all your troubles.
<yawn>
You say God loves everybody? Judging from yet another one of your long list of complaints at how he is ignoring your plight, he apparently has forsaken you, perhaps because, as I noted, he might be out busy helping people who really are HELPLESS. So I guess you really are screwed.
And you want to be a psychologist? Maybe see a few first and see if you can't get out of this self pitying soup you are simmering in- ALWAYS.
Grow up. If there is a God- and nobody can prove there isn't- then obviously your approach to him has come up far short of his expectations for you.
Back to the drawing board, Kindergartner. What could you have missed?

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by lycanox

Truth is, Your demanding favors of someone that doesn't exist. Or is an pretty shady sadistic guy if he does exist.

Its sounds like you have grown dangerous obsessive over an idea because of a bad experience you aren't properly over yet. Try mind searching about what you really want in life aside love.
And leave love for what it should be. Something that is most beautiful when it happens unforced by coincidence.

Everybody feels lonely from time to time. But your still young enough for everything to happen.

Maybe I am obsessive with wanting to get ahead... it's just that everyone my age is so far ahead of me while I feel as if I'm stuck in time, waiting for things to open up and fall into place. I just don't know anymore. Then again, I am 26. A lot could happen in even just 3-7 years. I just want and need a break i guess. Thank you for the insight.

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by Nu Kua

Why yes, I AM Little Miss Perfect. I have had to learn through struggle and using my own goddamned own toughness and resources to make it through hell far worse than your little "woe is me" nightmares. So don't talk to me about walking in somebody's shoes, young lady. You wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the shoes i was wearing in my earlier years- not 5 minutes before you'd be crying and begging to God, like you're freakin Job, to save you. Hell, you wouldn't last five minutes in the shoes I am wearing NOW.
It is ALWAYS your life you are talking about, whining about, complaining about- but with a twist. Not merely a person looking for guidance, you are whining because God has forsaken you, God isn't working quick enough for you, God hasn't swooped down on a winged white horse and whisked you away from all your troubles.
<yawn>
You say God loves everybody? Judging from yet another one of your long list of complaints at how he is ignoring your plight, he apparently has forsaken you, because as I noted, he might be out busy helping people who really are HELPLESS. So I guess you really are screwed.
And you want to be a psychologist? Maybe see a few first and see if you can't get out of this self pitying soup you are simmering in- ALWAYS.
Grow up. If there is a God- and nobody can prove there isn't- then obviously your approach to him has come up far short of his expectations for you.
Back to the drawing board, Kindergartner. What could you have missed?

You know what? Forget it. Apparently you are far too conceited to even care about others or show one little shred of compassion for others. Maybe your perspective of difficulty is different but everyone has their limits to a certain degree. Obviously you don't know what it's like to live with depression and struggle to remain sane so what gives you the right to judge me? I didn't even ask to be born with this disease! I'm pretty sure others didn't ask to be born with other mood disorders as well. Maybe if you understand and see things from their point of view and actually help them, half the people wouldn't be so upset with you. I really hope someone smacks you upside your head one day for having such an attitude. And for the record, I am in therapy, but it's not helping whatsoever. Another reason I want to move so I can try another one covered by my insurance... But it won't be easy.

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by ystrdaiproffett

Midnight,

You are so defensive. You feel that you have no control over your life. You feel lost and lonely. How do I know? Because I have been there. I still roam that territory now and then. I can only offer my advice and you may choose to take it or not.

You need to realize you and only you are in control of your life. You are a special human with gifts and insight to share with others. You have goals, desires and dreams. Achievement is not beyond your reach. This test, this experience will only enhance who you become later in life. I can assure you of that. It is darkest before the sunrise.. er something like that lol.

When i felt like life stopped being worth living, not just recently but two and a half years ago I changed my outlook, I switched religions and I focused on myself. I am no longer Wiccan or Pagan, but I identify with the idea of spiritualism. The whole world opened up for me. Suddenly I understood that my fate, my own personal destiny depends on me, not some god some where.

I am always here. Life is always going to be a struggle. I hope you are able to get through it. You are a strong person if you allow yourself to be.

Thank you. Right now I'm trying to gain control of my life, but it's just so hard to at the very moment. At least there's a chance that I'll finally be out by next year and I can put all this behind me opening yet another chapter in my life. It's just that things feel so far away that I easily lose perspective and get lost quickly. Maybe it's closer than I think. I just don't know but I"ll probably get through it. it's just a tough time at the moment. But I do know that storms don't last forever... Thanks for your insight. I hope that you find peace and happiness in your own future!

[Nu Kua]

Why don't you just shut up and move on?

God said to you "Why don't you just shut up, and move on?" every time he hears you whine.


Forgive me for not giving a fuck about this. My own life is filled with me getting off my ass nearly everyday and helping others with REAL problems.

[lordofthemystic]

Originally Posted by midnight21

Right now I am frustrated and angry towards god. I know that there's people worse off than me and the world is completely messed up, but this is my life I'm talking about and I'm wondering why it takes so long for God to answer my prayers so I can finally move on.

For 7 long years I've been completely directionless ever since high school and I finally figured out what to do with my life and that is to become a psychologist so I can help those who are worse off than me and help them get back on their feet again without the use of drugs that screw up people's minds. but in order to do that, I must move first and right now I feel stuck after being forced to live here when I got kicked out at 22 by my dad.

With no support from anyone, I remain here, unable to move out and move on and I've been haunted by constant bad memories that happened throughout the four years, especially a bad relationship that took place right in this very building. I've filled out applications for new places in another city, but nothing has opened up yet and it could take years.

Not to mention, I also want to fall in love, get married, adopt an abandoned child, and give birth to one. But no luck in dating either. All I get are creeps and stalkers and I wonder why God won't cut through the chase and send me the right person.

My frustration is that I feel like a desperate caged animal just dying to get out of here so I can finally spread my wings and grow as a person. Unfortunately i just feel like I'm unable to move and meet god halfway receiving the full blessing. When will it happen?

My biggest fear in all this... is that i won't be able to enjoy life until I'm 80. I may enjoy it for like a year and I'll be dying anyway. What's the point in all that? God has this lovely little habit of waiting far too long until it's too late...

I don't understand this. Everyone seems to move ahead but me, graduating college, falling in love, getting married, having children- a normal life and I've done all i can for god. I've donated. I've repented. I've fasted. I've believed and trusted in God, putting him above all things. I tried to be good while I"m nowhere near perfect. I tried going to church but I never liked any of them nearby walking distance which is another reason why i need to move.

It sounds like I'm whining but I'm at breaking point right now. I'm really not sure how much longer i can last remaining frozen in time like this. I just want to get ahead with my life!

I guess I'll keep on waiting....

Instead of just waiting, why don't you go out and make it happen?
Put on a positive attitude and JUST DO IT!

Have you ever considered that when you talk to "God", you're really just talking to yourself? Or "God" said "NO", so you're going to have to do it on your own?

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by midnight21

You know what? Forget it. Apparently you are far too conceited to even care about others or show one little shred of compassion. Why don't you just shut up and move on? Nobody made you read this thread anyway.

This was completely idiotic. If you don't want people reading your posts, don't post them...period. You threw your sob story out there for the forum members to read. You'd better expect responses. By the way, I think you're the one who needs to move on. If you want to make your life better, you've got to do it yourself. Nobody's going to do it for you. All this shit happened to you long ago...I'm sorry for you, but you've got to put it behind you and stop letting it rule your life. You are who you are NOW...not years ago. Help yourself, Midnight.

[proffett]

Originally Posted by midnight21

Thank you. Right now I'm trying to gain control of my life, but it's just so hard to at the very moment. At least there's a chance that I'll finally be out by next year and I can put all this behind me opening yet another chapter in my life. It's just that things feel so far away that I easily lose perspective and get lost quickly. Maybe it's closer than I think. I just don't know but I"ll probably get through it. it's just a tough time at the moment. But I do know that storms don't last forever... Thanks for your insight. I hope that you find peace and happiness in your own future!

A year is just a blink of an eye in your life time. You have something to look forward to now. It is easy to loose site of your goals. What I would do is sit down and write out what you want to accomplish in the next year, the next two years and a long term goal list for the next five to ten years. Your short term goal could be easy, finish a book, donate to charity, or write your congressman. Once you see yourself working toward and achieving your goals things will seem brighter for you.

DOn't dismiss what Nukua says so quickly. She is right, you need to actively change your life, rather than passively praying for help.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by midnight21

Jesus christ.

You're clearly confused, Midnight. Nu Kua is the cookie-baking, Good-Housekeeping, 1950s ANTI-christ. I thought everybody knew that... :)

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by Fyhre

This was completely idiotic. If you don't want people reading your posts, don't post them...period. You threw your sob story out there for the forum members to read. You'd better expect responses. By the way, I think you're the one who needs to move on. If you want to make your life better, you've got to do it yourself. Nobody's going to do it for you. All this shit happened to you long ago...I'm sorry for you, but you've got to put it behind you and stop letting it rule your life. You are who you are NOW...not years ago. Help yourself, Midnight.

You make it sound so easy, but you have no idea how difficult it is for me to help myself, especially when I got little money, no support from anyone, and no car. How do you expect me to move? Drag heavy furniture 30 miles to the next apartment? Walk 30 miles and probably end up dying in the process? or what? You think moving is so easy but it's not. There's also a waiting list that I have to deal with and appointments with landlords and there's also no way for me to get to them either unless if someone takes me, which there isn't. I wish there was. If only God was so quick to answer... isn't this particular forum meant for real christians to reply to this giving me some real insight to what's going on? Guess not.All I wanted was help so i can do the right thing religiously so my prayers can finally get answered...

[Fyhre]

Midnight, serious suggestion? You should probably rethink your desire to become a psychologist at this point. It's too unrealistic. You've many things you need to let go before you can even begin to build the psyche of a therapist. I do feel bad for you that you feel so hopeless. 26 is still so young! You've practically got the rest of your life ahead of you...use it to your advantage, not your disadvantage.

[midnight21]

Originally Posted by Fyhre

Midnight, serious suggestion? You should probably rethink your desire to become a psychologist at this point. It's too unrealistic. You've many things you need to let go before you can even begin to build the psyche of a therapist. I do feel bad for you that you feel so hopeless. 26 is still so young! You've practically got the rest of your life ahead of you...use it to your advantage, not your disadvantage.

*Sigh* God has put me on earth for a reason. It's been said that I go through things for a reason. And I spent nearly my entire life trying to figure out what my purpose is. the moment i have something it gets taken away or i'm not good enough. Maybe i'm just not meant to be here on earth. Another reason that i'm so frustrated with God... There is just no clear direction from anywhere.

[UVsaturated]

Hey midnight, I feel for ya. One thing you might want to consider now and later on in life is that we think we know what we want and what we have planned but all too often our lives aren't really are own and God has other plans for us. You may not understand it now but it will become more clear later on down the road and then it will hit you of why you had to go through all that you did and for what reasons, as long as you keep a positive outlook and do your best to learn from all the crap that life will throw at you. I know it's hard, I get down too sometimes, and you just gotta keep your chin up and drive-on. It's the only real way to get through it.

I only have one complaint though about your post. You said you want to help people worse off than yourself being a psychologist, yet to be a true teacher you must get down in the gutter and experience the pain and suffering that your subordinates are truly going through. I wouldn't accept any advice about how to recover from drugs or alcohol from anyone who has never done either, for example because they just have no frickin' clue and think they are doing you a favor by giving you sugar coated ideals about life and how to deal with them simplistically.

Nice post though. Give it hell kid.

[Nu Kua]

Originally Posted by midnight21

You know what? You're showing some real maturity right now by constantly picking on me and showing that baby picture. *Sarcasm* Why don't you print out that baby pic and hang it up in your bedroom for yourself? It would suit you a lot better than me anyway. Jesus christ. If you're not going to be a help to me in any way, get the hell out of this thread and go bother someone else. And get a life!

Hey, I have an even better idea!
Go help yourself! You're story is s-o-o- sad, but I've encountered, and surpassed, even greater odds- ALL BY MYSELF!
How do you think I obtained this rockin' attitude you have such disdain for?
How do you know God isn't trying to use me to wake you up?
Does God not work in mysterious ways?

Originally Posted by LOTM

Have you ever considered that when you talk to "God", you're really just talking to yourself? Or "God" said "NO", so you're going to have to do it on your own?

YES ^^^^^^YES^^^^^^YES^^^^^^

[olddragon]

Originally Posted by midnight21

*Sigh* God has put me on earth for a reason. It's been said that I go through things for a reason. And I spent nearly my entire life trying to figure out what my purpose is. the moment i have something it gets taken away or i'm not good enough. Maybe i'm just not meant to be here on earth. Another reason that i'm so frustrated with God... There is just no clear direction from anywhere.

Maybe the problem is that god does not care!
You have been given good advice by all, including Nu Kua.
No one is going to do for you.
Get up and do for yourself.

[midnight21]

UV, thank you. Yeah i do have some issues to work out to say the least and they will be eventually. And once they are worked out i should have the stability and function strong enough to really become a true psychologist. But I really do believe that I go through these things for a reason and i did help others in the past with insight that actually saved them. That's how I got this clue.

There is a good chance however that I can start opening a new chapter in life possibly early as next year, but I'm not entirely sure how that would go and I have a lot of anxiety and doubt. Anxiety/fear is another thing that I suffer and I'm trying my hardest to control it, even though it's a tad bit out of control at the moment. Eventually I'd like to do some research into this and see what i can do to help people who deal with similar difficulties once I manage to control mine. Anxiety really is one of the least studied mental health problems and it's misdiagnosed all the time along with borderline personality disorder. I guess the reason is that there's just so many types of disorders linked to imbalances in the brain and whatever people go through that it's difficult to diagnose.

Part of this is that it is my hope that while I'm helping others, I can learn so much more at the same time. I never said it would be easy to achieve or not impossible but i can sure as hell try once i get to where i need to be. I can only hope that God reveals plans for me soon... things are still a bit shady of which i have yet to understand. Maybe soon I might try another counselor and see what could be done to help manage it drug free. I really don't think it's a brain chemical issue. it's more like being stuck and trying to figure it out- that sort of thing. and environment. I'm really sorry that I caused drama in this forum though. I guess it's just an instinct to act out defensively towards people like Nu Kua without thinking... Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for us all.

[DontBeAfraid]

Midnight! 30 miles is not going t okill you if you walk it.
You cant get a car right now? Get a bicycle.
Ride the bicycle. Join a gym.
Go to the gym every day and you will beat your depression.
Dont make anything but tentative plans for things that are a year away.

[Fyhre]

She probably can't afford a gym membership, but I agree with you DBA, exercise works wonders, doesn't it? Maybe Midnight needs to take up jogging...

[DontBeAfraid]

gym memberships cost 20 bucks a month.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by DontBeAfraid

gym memberships cost 20 bucks a month.

I worked out at Bally's for years. Started out at $35, then gradually reduced to $10. But their hours started to suck...closing early around the holidays and shit. I now work out at 24...and pay $31.60 a month. Where do you work out, DBA?