The Gospel of Jake99

[Jake99]

This is the cumulative and I believe cronologically assembled posts I made in a forum called Star Destroyer in about 2004 which banned me from their forum. I do not know who assembled this document but one should be made of what I have posted here at AO and in other forums that I speak in or have been banned from if that is possible.

I am the Man you call the Messiah and I have the Simple Global Rescue Plan the World is waiting for. I talk about the New World and how to get there and stay there and its easy.

The only thing I now have a differing opinion on is cell phones after finding out how dangerous they are, the rest is pretty much the same as I recommend today. I have a much better product than a cell phone that is not dangerous.


http://www.twelve-spoons.net/neal/Jake99.pdf

[olddragon]

http://www.twelve-spoons.net/neal/Jake99.pdf

Please take time and read this.
It is golden.
Joke you really should be committed.

[Mystery]

So many I this and I that. Sorry I see no unity in that. I am going to save the world, I am going to make it right, etc. No my dear, that is God's job. And thru God he will send Jesus back, not someone else.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by Jake99

I am the Man you call the Messiah...

Says who?

I talk about the New World and how to get there and stay there and its easy.

Then you should have no problem accomplishing this on your own.

[uki]

Originally Posted by Mystery

So many I this and I that. Sorry I see no unity in that. I am going to save the world, I am going to make it right, etc. No my dear, that is God's job. And thru God he will send Jesus back, not someone else.

yet God is in heaven and heaven is where the heart is... so where ever the heart is, there must be a body encasing it, and if that body is saving the world... it is holding the heaven that contains God in it's heart...

[olddragon]

Quotes from the Gospel According to Joke69;

And by the way
I have been in court many times on
many matters that dont seem to matter
to anyone else. I hope to one day
see you in court on the matter of possession
I claim it is illegal. I see many
Bush followers here, lets see he wants
to gamble, kill, pollute and raise the retirement
age to 70 not to mention run
an ownership society. That philosophy
will get you a war everytime as it has.
Viscious asked me to come here so
you too could tear me apart.

I spent the last year and
a half on crutches after being hurt in
a game of football. I was the quarterback
for the squadron touch football
team 4/0 , averaged 28 points a
game, league high in every catagory as
I hear. Leading the league has always
been easy for myself and my 6 siblings
in every sport.

I have been going
the other way my whole life, its the
secret to my success.

14 pages of rant because AO was down, and he had nowhere to post.
Joke, you need help.
Committal papers please

[wyltk75]

Why would they ban you? You're completely harmless even. What I really would like to see is a biography of you. Tell us where you grew up, and about your childhood. Maybe some proof that you aren't insane. Do you have any videos on YouTube? That might be cool.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by wyltk75

Why would they ban you? You're completely harmless even. What I really would like to see is a biography of you. Tell us where you grew up, and about your childhood. Maybe some proof that you aren't insane. Do you have any videos on YouTube? That might be cool.

Born Aurora,CO grew up in Amherst, NY "safest town in America" (suburb of Buffalo) went to Windermere Elementary and Amherst Central High Schools (best public schools in the US). Lived in the best homes and recreated on the best properties in the US all my life. Have owned or used the best toys available and dated the best looking women.
3 brothers and 3 sisters all athletic and business super stars. Father most educated engineer and scientist on the Planet. Mother best hand eye coordination and beauty ever seen. 4 years as a Marine Harrier aircraft ordnance and arming technician/ supervisor. 21 years as the most productive Manager for Wonder Bread and Hostess Cake. 20 time winner in a dozen courts standing against the judicial system.


I wrote the Gospel of Jake99 about 3-4 years ago when I first started posting here and this forum has talked about banning me as well. I speak on other forums that are not moderated other than for vulgarity etc.

I dont know how to do the YouTube thing but maybe I should produce a video.

And before I forget my brother John aka Alligator Jack is a better Rock and Roller than Elvis and all the rest. If that is not true you can call me crazy.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by Jake99

... you can call me crazy.

You're definitely crazy....

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by olddragon

Quotes from the Gospel According to Joke69;







14 pages of rant because AO was down, and he had nowhere to post.
Joke, you need help.
Committal papers please

I wrote that 3-4 years ago when I first started posting here. I asked Metal to do a Gospel of Jake99 from AO which would be hundreds of pages. And then it will be up to Mankind to read or not read the New, New Testament written by the author instead of the False Prophets.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Fyhre

You're definitely crazy....

You are wrong I am strange and unusual there is a huge difference.

[JenaS62]

**** yawn ****

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Mystery

So many I this and I that. Sorry I see no unity in that. I am going to save the world, I am going to make it right, etc. No my dear, that is God's job. And thru God he will send Jesus back, not someone else.

I am the Jesus that God sent back is it ok with you if my parents named me James.

The King of Kings and Lord of Lords does things his way thats what the Bible says.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Fyhre

You're definitely crazy....

I am the craziest genius that has ever lived, listen to me.

[Astroboy]

Everybody, Stand By Me!!!
Astroboy stands tall...
The Joke's on y'all.
I love y'all and let ya be...

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by Jake99

I am the Jesus that God sent back is it ok with you if my parents named me James.

The King of Kings and Lord of Lords does things his way thats what the Bible says.

I am afraid I do not agree. For one thing the whole world will know without a doubt when He(Jesus) returns. How know you are here? He will come as gloriously as he left.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Mystery

I am afraid I do not agree. For one thing the whole world will know without a doubt when He(Jesus) returns. How know you are here? He will come as gloriously as he left.

I have come before you just as Jesus left and my works are hundreds of times more glorious than the works of Jesus since I performed what he did to a much greater degree while working and living among you. What Jesus did was childs play in comparison to what I did as Gods Play. Thousands of co workers reaped the benefits and millions of people did I serve Bread and baked goods to everyday for 23 years without a single missed order.

The problem is that you are asleep just like the Bible says you are and you are so brainwashed with lies that you think they are the truth. Only I know the Truth and the Way that leads to the Paradise on Earth that Jesus was talking about.

I agree with Jesus as he is described by the Bible but Mankind does not understand or do what he recommended.

God knew that Mankind would let corruption and chaos take over this Planet and he knew he had to demonstrate that he is real so he built and sent me, the Man the Bible calls Jesus.


A Miracle Worker is a person who fixes work environments that are broken or outdated and Changes everything that needs to be changed along the way. I have more than a decade of experience fixing manufacturing problems for the largest Baking companies in the US. I perform miracles on a regular basis and there is no magic, water or wine involved which is what Jesus said as well.

I walk among you as a man who the Government and the people of the World want to silence just as they wanted to silence Jesus. I speak of exactly the same thigs Jesus spoke of and do exactly what Jesus did and I want to teach the World how to be similar in thinking to how I think which is the opposite of how the Mainstream which all of you are in think. Mankind is wrong in everyway in how to properly Manage this Planet and I am here to install My One World Government which will teach Mankind how to play nicely.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Mystery

I am afraid I do not agree. For one thing the whole world will know without a doubt when He(Jesus) returns. How know you are here? He will come as gloriously as he left.

Dont forget you tried to crucify me right at Y2K in the exact same glorious way you tried to crucify Jesus. My robe is drenched in my own blood which is the payment for Mankinds sins and the price Jesus and I paid for standing against Mankinds evil ways.

Do not Bail Out the Creature from Jekyll Island, he is to be destroyed and never heard of again.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by Jake99

My robe is drenched in my own blood...

Resolve Stain Remover and a little bleach should get that right out. Listen to me.

[Fyhre]

Originally Posted by Jake99

You are wrong I am strange and unusual there is a huge difference.

You are wrong. You're strange and delusional and crazy. Jake...you are under my spell. You are getting sleepy...sleepy...sleepier. You are sleeping. From now on, when Fyhre tells you that you're crazy, what will your response be?

Originally Posted by Jake99

I am the craziest...

That's what I thought.

[severdsoul]

You gota admit, a world without money and worry about basic needs would be great..
but with the system in place, and as powerful as it is, just dont see anything changing the way it is. Short of total failure of everything.
I have to admit, i'm sick and tired of working my ass off just to make some other company rich. Sadly after paying all the bills getting stuff for lil butt and food, i have about a whopping $12 bucks outa my check left.. good thing the other half dose massages and gives us extra cash. And compared to the average we dont have a lot of bills realy. I would hate to be one of the ones up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by severdsoul

You gota admit, a world without money and worry about basic needs would be great..
but with the system in place, and as powerful as it is, just dont see anything changing the way it is. Short of total failure of everything.
I have to admit, i'm sick and tired of working my ass off just to make some other company rich. Sadly after paying all the bills getting stuff for lil butt and food, i have about a whopping $12 bucks outa my check left.. good thing the other half dose massages and gives us extra cash. And compared to the average we dont have a lot of bills realy. I would hate to be one of the ones up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.

I say it is really easy to overthrow the current powers of the World and it can be done quickly, legally and without any bloodshed just as Jesus said it should be done.

The Federal Reserve Act was not inacted legally in 1913 thus they have no right to own the US Monetary system making all debts created through them null and void. The IRS has no legal right to collect Income taxes according to its own code so that system is illegal as well and it starts a Dominoe of changes that must be made.

That pudgy little boy of yours is going to need alot of support which will not be easy in the World the Politicians and experts are predicting but in the World that Jesus proposed he will be well cared for and so will you and your wife.

The debts that this World have created are well beyond anything that could ever be paid back and still the world is in total chaos and endorsing the enemies of God.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by severdsoul

You gota admit, a world without money and worry about basic needs would be great..
but with the system in place, and as powerful as it is, just dont see anything changing the way it is. Short of total failure of everything.
I have to admit, i'm sick and tired of working my ass off just to make some other company rich. Sadly after paying all the bills getting stuff for lil butt and food, i have about a whopping $12 bucks outa my check left.. good thing the other half dose massages and gives us extra cash. And compared to the average we dont have a lot of bills realy. I would hate to be one of the ones up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.

Total failure of everything is what lies in the near future for millions of people which absoltley shuts this planet down into a Depression so deep that it can never come out of that hole.

The Federal Reserve and the IRS have no legal right to do business in the US and I want to throw them and thier banker and corporate friends off the Planet. Now is the time for Legal Revolution which even Thomas Jefferson would agree is required at this time. Stand with me I am the Rebel who stands against the Mainstream that the Bible talks about in detail. I am here to bring law to lawlessness and everlasting peace and prosperity to Earth.

[Jake99]

Originally Posted by Fyhre

Resolve Stain Remover and a little bleach should get that right out. Listen to me.

Trust me when I say you cannot wash away the blood stains on my robe. The story of Jesus is written in figuarative speach, Raising the dead, walking on water and turning it into wine has nothing to do with people, water or wine.

[Blackbeard]

More gems from the Gospel of Jake:

"Did I mention that I finished last in my high school class of 450 at one of the best schools in the US?"

"If you are living at the bottom of an active volcano I want to relocate you and use the land for farming and recreation so when the lava comes it will be easy to escape and it wrecks simple things not lives."

"Yes I recommend Communism and just because an idiot and a murderer tried it once before and failed does not mean its not the way."

"I don’t suggest you to drink 10 beers a day but you can live off it (I think). I think handing out loaves of bread makes more sense that handing out sacks of wheat."

"I dont do crazy things just for kicks, it is a chess match and I have Satan in check mate when you stand behind me."

"The states best mental health specialists had plenty of opportunity to try and prove me to be unstable, delusional or anything else. They testified and even froze and could say nothing when asked if my thought process was delusional. A witnesses and a judge even cried when discussing the facts of the case."

"At 43 when in jail for 2 weeks, I dominated in football as the QB, slaughtered the chess champ and won 90 percent of the basketball shooting contests. And I did several extremely long hand stands just for kicks."


Frankly Jake, you are funnier now. Back then you almost seemed like a real person, with all your internet and posting problems. A "real" Messiah would have had no problem getting that authorization code from photobucket. You are funny and harmless though, and I hope you aren't being censored here and get to stay. Good luck with your quest.